I am a daughter. I am a wife. I am a mother. But through it all, I have been and always will be, a woman.

Outrageous Quotes by M

This page is dedicated to my youngest boy M.  He was born early in 2007, so you can figure out his age.  If I post his age and forget to update it (which is likely), y’all will think he is perpetually 6.  Wonderful age, but there are days when even I wonder if he’ll see 7.  🙂  He is clearly a boy.  Part demon.  Part Monkey.  ALL Boy.

These are some of the things my youngest does.  You are about to understand why his nickname is “Goofy.”  I will update this periodically, but these are the things he has said and done that stick out most in my mind.

Shake-My-Head Stunts:

1. M decided to play Hide and Seek. Unfortunately, he neglected to tell his Pre-School teachers about the game. After they searched high & low, in the bathroom, in the classroom, on the playground, and generally FREAKED OUT…he popped out of the toy box with all smiles. Needless to say, his teachers weren’t real happy about his game. (09/2/2010)

Outrageous Quotes

1. I put my M. to bed last night. Tucked him in. He wanted to watch his movie. I said, “Which movie, baby?” Barney, Spongebob, Scooby-Doo. No. My son looks at me and say, “My football game.” I kid you not. He went to sleep watching college football. (12/15/2009)

2.  “But, Mommy, I can’t help clean up my room because my thighs are sleepy.” (age 3)

3.  I took M. shopping with me last night for shoes. He was great. Then I decided to make a quick side trip into Victoria’s Secret for a nightgown. He began running around looking at the mannequins and saying LOUDLY, “HA HA. I SEE HER UNDERWEAR!!” We left. 30 seconds worth of shopping. (12/7/2010)

4.  “If you don’t let me go potty RIGHT NOW, I’m gonna FREEZE to Death!”  (age 4)

5.  “No, I can’t sing you a song.  Singing makes me heavy.”  (age 4-1/2)

6.  “I was going to wait and wait and wait, but that’s taking too long so I want to go in now.”  (08/10/2011)

7.  “Hey, Mom, do you want to smell my armpit?”  Uh…..No, son.  (10/09/2011)

8.  “No, Z, Don’t Tell!!!!  Here, you can hit me in my head!”  (10/23/2011 when he thought he would get in trouble if big brother told on him)

9.  Me:  “M, when are you going to learn to wipe yourself when you go to the bathroom?”
M:  “Um……Um……When I’m 18)  (10/24/2011 – and it will NOT take that long!)

10.  J (his dad) at dinner last night:  “I’m thinking of taking all of the televisions out of the house.”
M:  “You’re going to make us watch TV OUT THERE?!???!!”  (07/23/2012)

11.  I’m only 6 and I have Man Fur on my back.  And my brother doesn’t yet, and he’s 9.  That’s cool, right?! (02/24/2013)

12.  Bible Study this morning was on dating. My husband asked, “So, why do we date?”
M: To have babies.
Uhh……..NO.

Later in the study, Mason said he was planning on getting a girlfriend at 15. Really? Fine. But not until you know that having babies is NOT the reason to date !!!

 

Conversations that make me say, “WHAT?”

1. (10/05/2010)
M. told me tonight, “I’m mad and upset.” I asked him why? He said, “Somebody MADE me mad and upset.” I asked him who? He said, “I DON’T know who made me mad and upset.” You gotta love 3-year-olds.

2. (02/20/2012)
M. Mac & Cheese!!! I LOVE that stuff! I’ve never had that before!
Me Thinking to Myself: Well, which is it kid? Lol.

3. (02/22/2012)
M. was swing a toy flashlight he pretends is a nunchuck and it dropped on the floor.
M: Mommy, did I break my neck?
Me: No, darling, you didn’t break your neck.
M: Well, did I twist my ankle?
Me: No, darling, you didn’t twist your ankle.
M: Well, I felt something in my ankle twist.
Me: Do you even know where your ankle is?
M: Noooo. . . .
Me: It’s right here (I grab his ankle)
M: Well, my ankles are in my neck.
**shaking my head at this kid**

4. (02/22/2012 – Yes, 2 in one night.)
Me: Get back to the table and eat your supper! Don’t pet the dog while you’re eating! That’s just gross! You don’t know what he’s been doing! He’s been rolling in the mud!
. . . . . . 5 Minutes Later. . . .
Me: M, I told you not to pet the dog while you’re eating! STOP THAT!
M: I’m not petting him, Mommy. I’m trying to get him to lick me!
Me Thinking to Myself: YUCK! I think he missed the point.

5. (05/04/2012)
This morning as I got ready
M: “Mama, one time you looked so pretty.”
Me: “Only ONE time?”
Mason: “Yep.”
***I’m devastated.***

6. (05/30/2012)
When I came to pick him up from daycare, he met me at the gate
M: Mom, I don’t want you to talk to Mrs. T (his teacher). Or Miss M (teacher’s aide). Or Miss A. (another aide).
Me: Really? Why not?
M (looking sincere and sweet): Because I love you.
I actually managed to NOT laugh. Barely.

7. (09/16/2012)
J: go put on some clothes. You can’t run around in your pj’s all day.
M: I’m not. I’m just walking.

8. (12/21/2012)
When my husband turned off the porch light while the boys were waiting on the school bus.
M: Uh-oh!
Z: What?
M: That light was on and it went off…….You Broke It!

9. (05/25/2013)
When I woke M this morning, he showed me all of his bug bites. I told him the bugs liked to bite him because he’s so sweet! He looked at me and said, “You mean my blood is S+?”

10. (06/24/2013)
M knows he isn’t supposed to run around in his underwear. But he thinks if he doesn’t enter the living room or stands at the end of the couch we can’t see him.
M: I left my Yu-Gi-Oh card in your car and I want you to go get it for me.
Me: No. Go get it yourself.
M: Well, I don’t have any socks or shoes on!
Me: You don’t have any PANTS on either.
M: (small grin. You can literally see him decide to ignore that comment.) Well….I want you to go get it.
Me: No. If you want it, YOU go get it.
M: I don’t know why you won’t go do something for your little child!!!

11. (10/05/2013)
M. downloaded Mindgames on his tablet. When I told him it was games that made him think, he said, “You mean I can do times (multiplication)? This is the Greatest Day of My Life!!” Now he’s writing down all the questions he gets wrong so that he can ask us the correct answers. This kid is Amazing.

12. (02/12/2016)
I was helping M. with his Valentines the other night (taping in the lollipops, making sure all classmates had a card, etc.) and I noticed something. I asked him, “Son, do you have 2 ‘Haileys’ in your class? I only see 1 on your list, but you have 2 cards.”
M’s response? “Uh-Huh. Mrs. H.!!”
“No, son, you cannot address your teacher’s Valentine with her first name.”

 

13. (02/12/2016)
Nothing like watching your 9-yr-old son playing chess with your husband. Then your husband makes a move your son doesn’t like, and you hear him tell his father, “Screw you.”
Yes, I really did hear him say that.
Yes, I’m still trying to decide if I’m appalled, or if I want to laugh at J’s face. Especially since M. has no clue what he said.
I’m probably going to do both.

14. (06/2016)
(Heard from the backseat on the way home from a 3-day weekend in Daphne, AL):
M: Hey, Z. What would you do if we had an apocalypse?
Z:  An apocalypse?
M:  Yeah.  Where would you go if we had an apocalypse?
Z: (thinks for a second) I’d probably go to a Zombie Bunker, because they’d have food and water and weapons.
M:  I’d go to Walmart, ‘cause they’d have everything I need:  flashlight, sleeping bag, bathroom, stuff to entertain myself with………oh, yeah, and food and stuff to drink.

15. Yesterday, M was arguing with me about something (he argues all the time so it’s hard to remember what in particular this was about. I told him, “M, one day you aren’t going to argue with me and I’m going to have a heart attack and die !”
M looked at me, smiled real big, and said, “That’s why I have to argue with you, Mom, so you won’t die.”
Crap. I opened the door for that one. *sigh*

 

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www.awriterweavesatale.com/

Author, and Editor of Literary and Arts Magazine, The Woven Tale Press

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