I am a daughter. I am a wife. I am a mother. But through it all, I have been and always will be, a woman.

I’ve lost family members before.  I’ve lost friends.  I’ve lost people to old age, sickness, and suicide.  It always hurts.  But I have to be honest, losing my mom hurts the worst.  It’s been two years, eight months and I still miss her…..

A friend lost her mom just a couple of months ago.  I told her I knew what she was going through.  I told her to just breath.  Just breathe through this second.  Then the next second.  Then it would be a minute.  An hour.  A day.  A month.  Great advice.  I wish I could follow it.

Some days, I still can’t function.  All I can do is cry.  And miss her.  The pain is so excruciating, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest.  I CAN’T breathe.  All I can do is sob.  My throat closes up.  I CAN’T breathe.

It’s like I lost her yesterday.

It’s like I lost her this morning.

It’s like I just lost her now.

It hurts that bad.

But eventually, I can breathe again.  I still miss her.  I still ache.  I still have a huge hole in me that feels like an abyss with no bottom.

So I breathe……..

And I hope that this Christmas won’t be so bad.  I hope that her next birthday won’t hurt as much.  I hope that next Mother’s Day I’ll be able to stay home and enjoy my boys instead of fleeing town for the weekend like a coward, then coming back and trying to celebrate with my boys and actually smile instead of spending the day fighting back tears and praying my children don’t notice.

I breathe…….

And I hope.

And I pray.

I miss you, Mom.

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www.awriterweavesatale.com/

Author, and Editor of Literary and Arts Magazine, The Woven Tale Press

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That one little thought that catches on... and multiplies.

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