I’ve lost family members before. I’ve lost friends. I’ve lost people to old age, sickness, and suicide. It always hurts. But I have to be honest, losing my mom hurts the worst. It’s been two years, eight months and I still miss her…..
A friend lost her mom just a couple of months ago. I told her I knew what she was going through. I told her to just breath. Just breathe through this second. Then the next second. Then it would be a minute. An hour. A day. A month. Great advice. I wish I could follow it.
Some days, I still can’t function. All I can do is cry. And miss her. The pain is so excruciating, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. I CAN’T breathe. All I can do is sob. My throat closes up. I CAN’T breathe.
It’s like I lost her yesterday.
It’s like I lost her this morning.
It’s like I just lost her now.
It hurts that bad.
But eventually, I can breathe again. I still miss her. I still ache. I still have a huge hole in me that feels like an abyss with no bottom.
So I breathe……..
And I hope that this Christmas won’t be so bad. I hope that her next birthday won’t hurt as much. I hope that next Mother’s Day I’ll be able to stay home and enjoy my boys instead of fleeing town for the weekend like a coward, then coming back and trying to celebrate with my boys and actually smile instead of spending the day fighting back tears and praying my children don’t notice.
And I hope.
And I pray.
I miss you, Mom.